Today I hit the floor.

And my head is yelling at me, remember 'they said' you have a choice, you can choose to be happy - they said it, so it must be true, right?

As I'm writing this I'm conflicting with what I originally set out to write, because although when I was driving home for the school run I thought I would curl up on the couch and hide for the day, I can now feel a little joy creeping on my face, because I'm writing, I don't want that to happen.

Because in that moment, when you feel sad and tears fill your eyes and you feel like its hopeless, the very last thing you need is someone whispering 'you have a choice' choose happy. It's like F-YOU!

Expressing and capturing my sadness, low moments, depression, however you want to relate to it, has become important to me. I've realised that while I'm curled up hiding from the world, I could be doing something far more impactful instead, and I actually believe, one of the only things I believe right now, that I am here on this planet to do something, say something that makes a difference.

Maybe I already have, been in the right place, right time and moved mountains for me or someone else, I might just not know it, that sucks but I keep on going.

But, don't think that because I wallow from time to time in my own sadness I'm giving you a permission slip to do the same. I would do anything on some of those days to grab my choice back from whoever stole it from me. Because some days that's how I feel, like somebody stole my choice, I don't know when it happened. Often it's there, it's like someone is playing tricks and taking my right to happiness away -  the sneaky little bugger.

If I could access my 'choice' do you really think I would sit here in this shit? Seriously?

So how do I claim back my 'choice'?

I persevere, I decided long ago to live - so that's what I'm doing.

Given, its not always pretty, but it is beautiful. The messy bits often are, you just can't see it yet. (well that's what I keep telling myself)

"every minute has the opportunity to be a fresh start."

Do you resonate with this?

What do you do when you feel like you have no 'choice'? 

Please share in the comments below, I would love to open up these kind of conversations.

Sam OsbistonComment