STEPPING INTO THE UNKNOWN
Right now everyday is stepping into the unknown, the routine maybe be a little groundhog but there's something very different about how I'm feeling as we approach the end of 2016.
Maybe it's the warmer weather we've had, maybe it's the amazing summer I had with the kids but I think it might be something else.
Usually at this time of year I've already been ill, not flu or sickness, I somehow end up with a bad case of 'oh bugger I can't breathe' which means I end up at the doctors and come home with steroids and antibiotics, which I absolutely hate. I don't want that crap in my body.
So I'm a little wary, obviously, that this could pounce on me at anytime and end my seemingly stint of good luck.
A bit like the summer, I've begun letting go of old thoughts. The kind that tell me it will always be like this, I'll never get my feet on the ground long enough to know how it feels.
Right now though, I'm so very grounded.
A lot has happened in the last 12 months, and yes you may think it is a little early for an annual reflection but actually it is the perfect time of year as we transition from Autumn to Winter (there's also some witchery around the 31st that most of us muggles have no idea about!).
Last September right through to around January time I had a new experience called 'anxiety', I thought I was having a Heart attack at first. Then 'oh bugger I can't breathe' thing came and I dipped into a depression I thought I'd long left behind me. My grandma died. I really had lost my way with what work I was meant to do in the world and I let some people I care about down. Life is like that.
Winter, I thought, is for hibernation. And so it was.
When Spring came I had a little surge of energy. And an open challenge came my way - trekking 58km through lava mountains (they forgot to mention the snow!) in Iceland.
From when I decided to do this to this very moment I'm writing this post. I had made a very different commitment to my self than I had ever done in a very long time. I was sh1t scared.
That was just the beginning of a new path.
After signing up for the trek of my life, I jumped in a few more new pools of thought and had experiences I had never really had before.
I went on a three day retreat and danced with the Earth, I had words of reflection given to me with love and I spoke from a place I had forgotten was within me. And it was good. I was good.
Then for a moment my world fell apart, as does when you have a sharp spurt of growth, and a very important part of my life had deep questions thrown at it vehemently, like my very insides were being ripped out in a momentary confusion of fear and ego. And then it was ended. I'm hoping it will not need to visit again in quite the same way.
My commitment, although knocked temporarily from its bough, was firm.
September came and went on full steam ahead. October said no, to bed we go, so I had to rest instead.
So here I am in mid Autumn. A mix of rest and raring to go.
The commitment still strong, yet fear is lingering as if waiting for me to step on a weak bough so it can give me a prod and watch me fall, not yet though. I have much to do.
I have had time to let my feet touch the earth, the chance to feel what it is I want to be and do. I am grounded in my truth right now.
As I create, grow and develop Catching Life, what I thought was my take on life as it has become is now so much more than I thought it could be. Yes it is all to be realised, and fear is lurking.
With all my commitment. Knowingly grounded in my truth. Letting go of old ways.
I am stepping into the unknown.