A BEAUTIFUL AUTUMN DAY
It is a beautiful autumn day and I am sitting at the side of a lake wondering whether or not to get my laptop out to write.
Or should I simply experience the beauty of the moment, noticing the rich tapestry of green and yellow and gold as the leaves gradually change colour?
Feeling the warmth of the sun on my legs, the sound of birds singing, watching them fly – no thoughts, no concerns just simply being in the beauty of this moment.
But as I sit here I am not in the beauty of the moment – my mind is busy composing a letter.
And the truth is ALL my waking hours (not to mention those nights when I cannot sleep) I am writing in my head.
The desire to share, to invite others into my world, to show them the magic of our beautiful earth through my eyes is sooooo incredibly strong.
I used to make my ramblings wrong – begging my mind to PLEASE SHUT UP.
Please just give me some peace.
Meditation, mindfulness, journaling, connecting to the stillness – that’s where I need to be.
Come on Melina – get with the program.
But none of those things worked for me. Or more truthfully I never committed to any of them – so how could they work?
And then I would beat myself up for not doing those things that were so helpful for others.
And so began a relentless battle within me.
Melina you should do this. Yes, yes yes I’ll do it tomorrow.
Oh st I didn’t do it!.
That’s ok I’ll do it tomorrow.
Oh st I didn’t do it again!
On and on it would go.
What gave me peace from the relentless battle was writing.
I would notice my mind writing in my Zumba class.
Now Melina focus – you’re in Zumba class – stop getting distracted.
And when I did focus – I zumba’d really well.
I would notice myself writing as I was driving the kids to and from school.
Bump! Oh no I’ve scraped the kerb!
Focus Melina focus!
Each time I was gathering more proof that I was rubbish, useless, would never “get there” (wherever “there” is).
And so I stopped.
Stopped making myself wrong for not doing what:
I didn’t want to do,
had no intention of doing,
and wasn’t ever meant to do!
If I was meant to do it I’d be doing it.
You see the voices in my head are a gift. I’m not meant to keep them to myself.
I’m meant to share them – to shout them from the rooftops, to celebrate them, to enjoy them, to allow others to feel them.
The more I share the quieter my mind will become.
And the truth is I LOVE the voices in my head. They’re so eloquent, so beautiful, they can go anywhere, see anything, do anything, dream whatever I want.
As a child I didn’t merely save the world – I saved the entire universe – ridding all the planets of all the evil monsters.
I had my very own spaceship – with dials and buttons that would take us anywhere we wanted to go.
To everyone else it was a brick cubby hole – but to me it was the gateway to a whole new world.
Such fun!
Such delight!
And then we grow up.
Now we have to take life seriously.
Day-dreaming is not an option (well to be honest it was frowned upon in school too).
And our life becomes a series of “shoulds” and “should haves” and “shouldn’t haves” – then telling ourselves off for “shoulding”!
We think that is the way life has to be.
And even when we are following our heart’s desires, doing the things that light us up and make our soul sing, we still often fall into the trap of rules and “this is the way you have to do it”. Most times this is unconscious.
You see what my soul desires is:
to write,
to dance,
to sing,
to laugh,
to love,
to play,
to shine,
to explore,
to have fun,
to go where no man has been before
Nowhere within that list is to “earn a living”, to “work hard”, to “overcome obstacles”, “to be successful”.
In fact for many people, my list will sound like the list of a child, of someone very naïve, someone who doesn’t understand what “life’s really like”.
After all “life’s hard”, “life’s not fair”
But do you know what – “life being hard”, “life being unfair” – it’s a myth.
A myth we all bought into because that’s the way we’ve lived it for pretty much forever. We couldn’t possibly know it any other way.
But the truth is:
Life is magical.
Life is amazing.
Life is wonderful.
We just have to stop and look at nature for a moment - the beauty of autumn, the golds, the reds, and we feel it.
Enjoy this magical season.
Melina Abbott is a transformational coach and adventurer of life. She loves stepping into the unknown and exploring new paths, new opportunities and new adventures. She is a wife and mum and lives in sleepy Shropshire in England. You can find out more about her at www.melinaabbott.com